Being a loyal person, anyone who does something that represents betrayal is an automatic dismissal from my life. The connection is gone. The feeling of trust is lost in the abyss. The bridge is burnt.
But what if this betrayal is from a friend closest to you? A friend you had made a promise to be there no matter what happened?
This is what happened to me.
Any feeling of betrayal from someone close to you, as you can imagine, would hurt the most. Not only did I feel betrayed, but I, being the loyal person I am, could not walk away from my word and burn the bridge; so instead I turned away from God, who I had become close to again and filled the pain with my next addiction- fitness.
Years went by, I got fitter, more independent and began my own fitness business helping others transform their bodies and heal their internal emotional wounds without fully healing my own.
Building myself up in a way, that if I ever got hurt again, I would be strong enough to handle it.
But at the end of 2021 something inside me began to change...God wanted me to HEAL.
The darkness in my mind and heart began stirring like never before. Past family struggles I had not had answers to bubbled to the surface, seeds of protentional sin that would alter the course of my life were presented, spiritual warfare was at full force.
It didn't surprise me that these things were happening at the end of 2021, remembering back to December of 2012 where God had spoken clearly to me to alter my life before. This time I was well aware that I had some internal work to do and I was on a mission to get it done before the new year began.
December 31st, I had pulled all the weeds but one. And on January 1st of 2022 I pulled the last weed healing the connection I had lost to God and the friend closest to me.
My heart immediately felt renewed, and my connection and love was restored.
I tell this story for those of you struggling inside. It's not unusual for a woman to walk into fitness with an extreme drive to change the way they look and feel because of an internal emotional, spiritual and mental struggle- in fact, the majority of the women I have worked with throughout the last 5 years have come to me with those exact root issues. It's never just about looking good or getting shredded, or getting stronger - but it's about healing emotional wounds, beating addictions, standing up for yourself, gaining confidence, conquering your own demons, feeling secure, being ready for a battle... etc.
Now don't get it twisted, fitness WILL always help you mentally, physically and spiritually and should be a healthy part of your life, BUT it's not the answer to your wounds. In fact, if you don't solve the root issue, you'll find yourself in a constant internal struggle, filling the hole inside with unnecessary material goods, substances, food, actions, and busyness until you do.
I'm here to tell you, it's worth it to heal. It's worth it to make amends. It's worth it to repent. It's worth it to clean your heart. It's worth it to set your soul free.